Member-only story
Stop using these three phrases if you host Zoom meetings
If I were allowed to take in-person meetings in bed, sans pants, while a cup of overly hot coffee cools next to me, I would.
But to make that happen, I would have to plan meetings months in advance to let you buy cheap air tickets, arrange for seating in my already cramped bedroom for a variable number of guests, tell my wife and kid to ignore the randos secretly watching them as they sleep, and remember that in a live meeting, there is no muting a noisy fart.
If you thought that noisy susurrations are just an auditory surprise, not an olfactory one, let me tell you that that is not always true. Now you know — the toot has set you free and you didn’t even have to attend an in-person meeting at my house after a night of eating beans.
Yet, great as they are, I am not a fan of attending Zoom meetings hosted by a certain type of people.
They are the ones who forget that an online meeting is conducted and attended by people who want to converse with each other, not an English class with Mrs. Chakraborty who studied English when English was being taught by stuffy Englishmen wanting to impart culture to a country of brown people.
If you were to slice off Mrs. Chakraborty arm and count the rings, you’d find that she hasn’t added any after sixteen when she…
