Blanket Statements

Sai Ramachandran
4 min readSep 23, 2020

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It was 2003. August 30, 2003.

I was on a flight, 36000 ft up in the air, flying to London from Kolkata enroute to New York.

For thousands of years since they came down from the trees, humans have wondered how it would feel to fly like a bird. Seen this way, a transcontinental flight is a modern miracle.

But, on that flight, I didn’t quite feel that I was part of a miracle.

For one, this was my first international flight…and I was alone.

Secondly, I had my sisters’ words rattling around in my head.

As sweet as they are, both my sisters have an uncanny ability to pinpoint flaws that will undermine any self-confidence you may have built up.

According to them, having lived abroad for a few years prior to 2003, Indians men on international flights are a special breed of people.

a) they don’t know how to say no to airline liquor

b) they cannot speak at any volume less than a shout

c) they love to blatantly stare at anything or anyone in stockings…like our flight crew

So, they had warned me that if I wanted to stay in their good books, I could not behave like a TIM — Typical Indian Male.

Accordingly, on that flight, I was on my best behavior. I was the model of good manners, handing out thank yous and yes pleases like candy. I also kept my eyes tightly focused on the screen in front of me despite the temptations all around me.

And in my head, I made the following calculation.

If Indians had earned a reputation for emptying the airline liquor cabinet, I would go the other way.

So I ordered tomato juice. Can after can after can would reach my row but go no further.

Till date, I am convinced no one could have pounded back as much tomato juice as I did on that flight. I’m sure the airline crews still gossip about that skinny Indian guy who emptied a carton of tomato juice.

Of course, each can of TJ was accompanied by a volley of thank yous and pleases.

Like I said, I was an angel on that flight.

For all that, I still had one problem. I was FREEZING!

My sisters had neglected to tell me that long flights can get very cold. All I had to cover up was a tiny airline blanket.

I’d pull one end to cover an exposed arm and the other side would start freezing. Plus, this being so soon after Sept 11, 2001, I didn’t want to fidget too much inside a blanket just in case someone suspected anything.

So, I sat there half hibernating from the cold when I heard a voice from above.

Sir, can I get you another blanket?

It was my own tomato juice dealer now offering me another airline blanket. I gratefully accepted it and was finally able to sleep until we landed in London.

Once we landed, our first task was to clear customs. Of course, our desi uncles and aunties leapt up from their seats the minute the flight reached the gate.

I’m not one of those people,” I told myself, “I can wait.

And waiting in line at customs, I sneered at people still trying to fill out their forms which I had duly completed on the flight.

Such unprepared riffraff,” I wanted to scream.

Suddenly, on the PA system, I heard the following.

Can passenger S. Ramachandran arrived on Flight BA 235 from Kolkata please contact the BA staff in the customs area?

Hah!” I thought, “I wonder what crime this S Ramachandran has committed.

Can passenger S. Ramachandran arrived on Flight BA 235 from Kolkata please contact the BA staff in the customs area?

I looked around casually to my namesake, maybe work out his crimes as he spoke to BA staff.

Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a red uniform (in stockings) staring at me.

Sir, can we have our blankets back?

The room suddenly went silent. I could feel every eye on me.

What?” I said weakly.

Sir, our blankets are only for use on BA flights.

That’s when I noticed that I was still cocooned in their BA blankets.

If I weren’t already so brown, I’m sure I’d have turned a shade of red matching their uniform.

I quietly unwrapped the blankets and handed them back with apologies. The rest of the trip through customs was done with my eyes glued to my shoes.

Till date, I have not flown than route again. And if I listen closely enough, I can almost hear airline crews gossiping about that skinny Indian guy who drank up all their tomato juice and tried to steal their airline blankets.

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Sai Ramachandran
Sai Ramachandran

Written by Sai Ramachandran

Building https://squadgpt.ai - GPT for teams. Manage AI costs and retain visibility with SquadGPT. All views personal. Email = sai@squadgpt.ai

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